Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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