Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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