Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
