So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
