"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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