he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
