Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
