the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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