I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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