thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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