i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Found the puke drawer
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
