you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
