ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
