I hate all girls vehemently.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
