I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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