I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
