You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
