Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
