Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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