That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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