Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize