I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
