break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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