He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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