so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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