Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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