I hate all girls vehemently.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
