tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
