someone get that fucking seahorse.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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