Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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