I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize