part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize