hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
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I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
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From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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