: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
