I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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