don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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