I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
