So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
