My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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