Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
