I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Terrible idea I love it
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
