apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
