Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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