my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
