So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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