I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
