I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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