so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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