Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
