Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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