I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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