I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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