I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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