I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
