I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize