Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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