so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
