I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
