Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
