I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
