even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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