Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
