u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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