My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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