I accidentally had phone sex last night
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
