oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
