If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
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It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
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I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
These tits shall not be calmed