Since when is my name a synonym for head?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
