I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time