Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(949): View more from California

It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...

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(410): View more from Maryland

She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

We still going to Happy Hour

(201): View more from New Jersey

Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(949): View more from California

am i gonna have visuals on this?

(414): View more from Wisconsin

you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

he told me it was like eating gods vagina.

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(563): View more from Iowa

My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.

(1-563): View more from Iowa

I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

I just told a bottle to be chill

(604): View more from British Columbia

and meant it

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(913): View more from Kansas

I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck

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