My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃