Texts From Last Night

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  (517): View more from Michigan

  I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.

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  (517): I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans. http://tfl.nu/ad7f
  Replies (8) Good night (883) Bad night (3433)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.

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  (570): If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid. http://tfl.nu/ujtp
  Replies (16) Good night (820) Bad night (3451)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?

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  (937): How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink? http://tfl.nu/zmgw
  Replies (61) Good night (3744) Bad night (1096)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.

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  (601): She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine. http://tfl.nu/p4hk
  Replies (21) Good night (554) Bad night (3501)
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  (819): View more from Quebec

  its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger

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  (819): its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger http://tfl.nu/0bs6
  Replies (10) Good night (3829) Bad night (813)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?

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  (732): I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!? http://tfl.nu/ocr3
  Replies (69) Good night (1844) Bad night (9900)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.

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  (843): By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours. http://tfl.nu/tce7
  Replies (17) Good night (1673) Bad night (5626)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"

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  (505): These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?" http://tfl.nu/1vuh
  Replies (8) Good night (1330) Bad night (3555)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.

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  (248): Any little, cute, petite blondes with you? (1-248): Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though. http://tfl.nu/s8t4
  Replies (41) Good night (9383) Bad night (1373)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  She kept screaming "best case scenario"

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  (902): She kept screaming "best case scenario" http://tfl.nu/vv3n
  Replies (7) Good night (2935) Bad night (817)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life

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  (816): he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life http://tfl.nu/u0np
  Replies (13) Good night (2463) Bad night (2487)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina

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  (706): I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina http://tfl.nu/j6ze
  Replies (12) Good night (2273) Bad night (826)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.

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  (623): It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that. http://tfl.nu/i8dz
  Replies (5) Good night (726) Bad night (257)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.

  (801): View more from Utah

  The girl neighbor.

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  (801): The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis. (801): The girl neighbor. http://tfl.nu/zc5m
  Replies (1) Good night (542) Bad night (272)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Why is your solution always to masturbate

  (1-801): View more from Utah

  Because it usually works

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  (801): Why is your solution always to masturbate (1-801): Because it usually works http://tfl.nu/41jb
  Replies (4) Good night (787) Bad night (215)

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