It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
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I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck