And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
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I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
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I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.