I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just invented taco cereal.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it