I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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