I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
