Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
the day after is always just damage control
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
