Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
