nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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