they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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