She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
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side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
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I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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