Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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