My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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