That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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