im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
