I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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