okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
