Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
