i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Randomize
